An Emotional Day: Part 3

The next day was a million times better.  Sweet P had started to wake up and was looking around at us.  I had never been so happy to see that pair of blue eyes.  

She was still having random irregular heartbeats, but they seemed to be fading.  

Also, I had been able to get some rest, which was good because momma bear mode had kicked in.

I was on alert for everything, from the heart monitor, to her doses of pain meds.  Our poor nurse had to put up with so much from me.  I was constantly asking questions, and pushing her to make sure everything was ok.  But let me say that she was absolutely wonderful.  She patiently answered all my questions and concerns and was even proactive when it came to me taking care of myself during this time as well.  Even the cardiologist that was on call during the night was a godsend.  Through a conversation we had before he went home from his shift, I found out that he was a Summit church member, and a Virginia Tech fan.  This was a good sign.  :)

We ended up spending only 3 days in the cardiac ICU before they moved us to a room on the main floor.

Right before they moved us, one of the doctors that had been following Sweet P's case, came in and asked me if I wanted to hold her.  "No." I told her.  I was so scared that I would hurt her.  I was content just being by her side.  "I wasn't asking.  I want you to hold her." It was then that I really looked at the doctor, and realized that she wasn't talking to me as a medical professional, but as a fellow mom.  I would like to be able to tell you that it was so awesome to finally be able to hold her, but honestly, I was shaking so bad that I didn't really enjoy any of it.  It was later when I rocked her to sleep, that I felt the rush of emotions, and familiarity of being her momma.

One week later from the day of her surgery, we were sent home.

I write all of these things for multiple reasons.  One, I want to remember what God did for us during that time.  It's easy to forget all the little ways that God provided for and answered our prayers.  Two, I want others to see God's work in our lives and give him all the glory.  Three, I want any other moms out there that may be going through a similar situation, to know that others have gone before them and can understand what they are going through.  I have already had two moms contact me who are presently experiencing something similar to what we went through.  

Even though our experience was tough, God was gracious enough to give me perspective and realize that we really did not have it that bad.  There were so many other stories that I learned about of children who were in much more serious situations than Sweet P.  My heart ached for these mom's.  Many of them did not have the hope of their child surviving like we did.  

God is good ya'll.  He has allowed me to question his goodness and love, and proved to me that he is unshakeable.  He was my refuge during this time, and remained faithful to me even when I wanted to push him away.  This past year has been marked by many milestones, and thousands of praises.  But through it all I have been changed for the better and have drawn closer to my savior.  

Thank you for reading about Sweet P's story.  

God bless,
Laura

Part 1
Part 2

An Emotional Day: Part 2

Nothing could have prepared me for seeing my Sweet P laying in a hospital bed post surgery.  

She was hooked up to so many things.  There were pace maker wires, monitors, iv's, a respirator tube, and a drainage tube.  Even the bandage over the incision was covered in blood, and she was shaking in response to what had been done to her.

I tried to stand there and listen to the doctors and surgeon, but couldn't do it.  I couldn't even look at her.  I ran to the waiting room, and lost it.  I don't think I have ever sobbed like that before.

I was her momma.  I was the one that loved her like no other.  I was supposed to take care of her and protect her.  But I couldn't do anything.

Todd quickly followed me to the waiting room and held me while I cried.  I remembered being thankful that no one else was in the room at that time to see me breakdown.

Finally, I calmed down and went back in to settle down for the rest of the day and night.

But I quickly realized the worst part was not seeing all the machines or even the blood, but seeing her silently cry during the night (she couldn't make any noise because of the tube that had been in her mouth), and watching the tears roll down the side of her face because she was in pain.

I remember immediately I focused on God and cried out in my heart for him to take the pain away.  It was a conversation that went on for hours as I poured over the promises and character of God, and consistently reminded myself that he loved her more than I ever could.  There was nothing off topic at that time as I talked to him, and it was during that time that I wrote this post.  

As the night went on, I did my best to stay awake, but eventually fell asleep.  I had only been asleep for about 30 minutes when I woke up to find 2 nurses, and a doctor in the room hooking Sweet P up to a pacemaker.  I think my heart slammed against my ribs once I realized what they were doing.  They quickly assured me that she was ok, but had some irregular heartbeats, and wanted to have her hooked up as a precaution.  

I stayed a little while longer, but then eventually traded places with Todd, and went home to sleep.

Part 1, here.

Vance and Mary Katherine

My brother got married!!  I cannot express to you how happy I am for both of them.  I have been praying for my brother's future wife for a long time, and God answered my prayer exceedingly abundantly.  Katie is the perfect fit for him.  I'm so excited to call her my sister!   

It truly was one of the sweetest wedding's I've ever been to.  They were able to get married in the same place her parents were married, and by the same pastor, her grandfather.  It was so evident throughout the day the love that was present between both families.  My brother and I have known Katie her whole life, and have always thought she was a wonderful, godly girl. 

The bride and I

Waiting... :)

Reading a letter that my brother wrote to her before the wedding.

Happy bridesmaids!  One of my other sisters, Sarah.

Todd and I looking dapper.

Katie and my dad doing the waltz.

The night ended with sparklers and cheers.

Vance and Katie I love you both. 

I cannot wait to see what God does with your lives together. 

Of course there was a photo booth, and Todd and I had to show off our gangsta skillz.  Just for your viewing pleasure.  And yes, that is a kill shot.

Two Year Anniversary: Part 3

One night while we were at the beach, I challenged Todd to a round of putt-putt.  I was pretty confident that I could beat him, so we made bets, and did a lot of trash talking the whole time.  Well, I can now say that I am the putt-putt champion!  I won by one stroke!  Woo hoo!

Here are some random shots of the epic game:

If my lips look a little blue, it's because I just drank a blue-coconut slushy from Sonic.

Todd was trying to distract me from winning.  Didn't work.

Ok, so my husband is hott. 

Blue Steel.

Any Lost fans out there?  What does this remind you of?

Two Year Anniversary: Part 2

So after we visited Charleston, we decided to head to Myrtle Beach for a few days.  We are lucky enough to know people who own houses there, and one of them let us stay for a few days for free.  Awesome!  One of the things Todd and I love is the beach.  We get slightly obessive with taking pictures of while we visit.  So enjoy the montage of photos.



Two Year Anniversary: Part 1

Todd and I just celebrated our two year anniversary, and decided to take a trip to Charleston, SC since I have never been there.  We had such an awesome time mostly because we relaxed and didnt abide by any schedule.  We spent most of our time in downtown Charleston walking around, and then took an awesome carriage ride around the historic residential portion of the city.  (If you ever go to Charleston and have never done this, you should make a point of doing it.  It is worth it, I promise.)  We also ate lunch at the famous Hominy Grill. (This is where an episode of Man vs. Food was taped.  We even sat in the same section he did!) 

So below are pictures of our weekend part 1.

Hello Baby!

Haven't been blogging lately because..... I'm pregnant!!  Todd and I found out back in October, and I am almost 14 weeks.  It really has been an easy pregnancy so far.  My only complaint is that I'm exhausted all. the. time.  But this baby is such a blessing and praise.  God has been good to us and allowed us to get pregnant in His timing.  I'm due July 6th, and can't wait to meet this little one.

(Couldn't get the picture to flip.)

 11 Weeks

 12 Weeks

13 Weeks

Reflection of 2011

Let me say right up front, I'm glad it's 2012.  I have so much to look forward to this year, that I'm thrilled that it is here.  2011 was not an easy year for me.  In many ways it was probably one of the hardest years I have ever had.

In November 2010, Todd and I learned that the path to pregnancy would not be an easy one.  With each passing month, things seemed to get worse.  Doctors couldn't figure out why I wasn't ovulating, and the meds they were prescribing were not yielding any results.  Soon after I quickly slipped into a state of depression, and didn't want to be around anyone.  I found myself hating God, and questioning his reasoning for denying me a child.  Everyday I cried and ached for that baby I thought I would never have.  And soon it became very evident that I was in a dark place, with a fear gripped so tightly around me that it changed me.

     Why would God deny a woman the very thing he commanded her to do? 

Reproduce, be fruitful and multiply.  

Why would he take away the one thing I had wanted all my life? 

To be a mother.  After all, didn't he deny me this as a child by taking away my own mother?  

The unknown was unbearable.  Not having answers drove me deeper and deeper into a state of despair.  I didn't even realize the effect it was having on me until one day my husband told me that I never smiled anymore. I thought I was hiding my hurt pretty well, but I knew at that point that it was bad.  

Soon after, I cried out to God to forgive me and help me through the pain.  He quickly showed me that being a mom or not being a mom, was not my identity.  My identity began and ended with the cross.  Period.  Nothing else needed to be added to my life.  The work of the cross was and is enough.  

Once God began to transform my fear into joy, I was able to see the darkness of where I was mentally and spiritually.  Even now as I read my journal from last year, I get emotional at some of the painful entries and things I was feeling at the time.  But I'm glad that I'm able to look back and see what God has pulled me out of, and where he is taking me now.  

2012 will be a good year for many reasons, but mainly because of how God has transformed me.  I am able to see where I have grown in my relationship with him, and even though I have lots to learn, I'm looking forward to what he has in store.  It could actually be a difficult year, but I have learned to see my life through the lens of the gospel.  

God is good.  His work on the cross, is enough.  Jesus resurrection gives hope, and I can have joy in where I stand with him.