Tuesday, October 1, 2013

An Emotional Day: Part 1

October 1st 2012 is a day I will never forget.

It's the day that I sat in a Starbucks for 5+ hours trying not to think about the ball of nerves in my stomach, or how sweaty my palms were.  

It's the day that I clung to my phone as if my life depended on it, and in a way it did.  

It's the day that I mentally sat in silence before the Lord knowing that he knew my plea, and I awaited his answer.  

It's the day my 5lb, red headed, little girl had open heart surgery.  

I cannot even write this post without tearing up after each sentence.  

I have not written much, if anything about the day Sweet P had her life changing surgery.  Mainly because it's a day that I don't want to remember, and at the same time am utterly thankful for it.  I still struggle going through the timeline of that day because I feel all the emotions as if it were happening all over again.  I guess that is what it means to be a momma. 

We were not originally expecting to have Sweet P's surgery that early in her short life.  The hope was that she would gain some weight and chunk up to about 8-10 pounds before they would move ahead and repair her heart, but her weight gain was just not happening.  Her acid reflux was so bad at this point that she was under constant monitoring at the hospital due to her high risk of aspirating.  

I remember the head surgeon came to speak to us the day before and go over everything that was going to happen.  The surgery would be anywhere from 6-8 hours long with a phone call from one of the nurses once an hour with an update.  There was great risk in doing this on a baby so small, but he assured us that he had done this successfully on children smaller than Sweet P.  

I wasn't so assured.  

The next morning they came and got her at 6am.  Two different pastors came from our church and prayed with us over Sweet P's surgery.  I don't think they will ever know on this side of heaven how much them being there meant to me.   Throughout the course of the morning other friends trickled in and out to be with us as we waited.  Each time the phone rang, Todd and I jumped up and ran out of the coffee shop to make sure we could hear each word that the nurse said to us.  

Finally we got the call that the surgery was done and that the surgeon wanted to talk to us upstairs at the babies cardiac intensive care unit.  

We waited for what seemed like an eternity, and finally they rounded the corner pushing Sweet P in an isolate attached to what seemed like every machine in the world.  They asked us to stay outside the room until they had her situated and stable and then they would come and get us.  

The surgeon said that the surgery was a success, and that he was pleased with how everything went.  But now we had to wait to see if her heart would accept what had been done to it.  The next 24 hours would be critical.  

A few minutes later we were able to go in and see her.  But before we went in, they prepared us.  It won't be easy seeing her this way, a nurse warned me.  

I made it about 2 minutes in her room and then collapsed, sobbing, in the waiting room floor.   

1 comment:

  1. I just cried reading this... My heart is so full thinking of how far your Sweet P has come!! Your strength is amazing to me.