Wednesday, October 2, 2013

An Emotional Day: Part 2

Nothing could have prepared me for seeing my Sweet P laying in a hospital bed post surgery.  

She was hooked up to so many things.  There were pace maker wires, monitors, iv's, a respirator tube, and a drainage tube.  Even the bandage over the incision was covered in blood, and she was shaking in response to what had been done to her.

I tried to stand there and listen to the doctors and surgeon, but couldn't do it.  I couldn't even look at her.  I ran to the waiting room, and lost it.  I don't think I have ever sobbed like that before.

I was her momma.  I was the one that loved her like no other.  I was supposed to take care of her and protect her.  But I couldn't do anything.

Todd quickly followed me to the waiting room and held me while I cried.  I remembered being thankful that no one else was in the room at that time to see me breakdown.

Finally, I calmed down and went back in to settle down for the rest of the day and night.

But I quickly realized the worst part was not seeing all the machines or even the blood, but seeing her silently cry during the night (she couldn't make any noise because of the tube that had been in her mouth), and watching the tears roll down the side of her face because she was in pain.

I remember immediately I focused on God and cried out in my heart for him to take the pain away.  It was a conversation that went on for hours as I poured over the promises and character of God, and consistently reminded myself that he loved her more than I ever could.  There was nothing off topic at that time as I talked to him, and it was during that time that I wrote this post.  

As the night went on, I did my best to stay awake, but eventually fell asleep.  I had only been asleep for about 30 minutes when I woke up to find 2 nurses, and a doctor in the room hooking Sweet P up to a pacemaker.  I think my heart slammed against my ribs once I realized what they were doing.  They quickly assured me that she was ok, but had some irregular heartbeats, and wanted to have her hooked up as a precaution.  

I stayed a little while longer, but then eventually traded places with Todd, and went home to sleep.

Part 1, here.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my stars. I cannot even imagine how completely scary that must've been to go through. It hurts my heart to imagine a tiny baby in pain like that. Ugh! I'm so so thankful for your family that this event is completely in the past.